:: and this i know ::

There seems to be a bit of an issue that my neighbors have with me.

There once was a hedge separating the driveway with their backyard. This meant that we could hear each other, good in times of need, but not see each other, great in terms of privacy. Unfortunately, age has taken its toll on the female of the household, causing a younger relative to move in to take care of her as she struggles with Alzheimer’s disease. I will give credit, and will show patience toward this individual as I know that he is in a situation that I wish upon no one.

However there is one problem. For some reason he decided to remove the hedge soon after moving into the house. Was this due to wanting to plant something else, something new? No. There has been no effort to grow anything in the backyard. True, this is their property, and I truly have no say except for when it comes to one thing. Even with the driveway separating the properties, if one stands in the corner of their backyard they are able to see my TV through the window. Given that there is an effort that has to be made to see my TV (and it would need to be completely silent to hear anything I was watching), you would think that this is not a big deal. You would be wrong.

I know when the girlfriend is visiting with her child due to the loud remarks about how she hopes that they (i.e., me) am not watching anything horrible on my TV that her kid can see. Apparently there was one time where I was watching TV and her child stood in the corner to see if she could figure out what I was watching. Granted, I do watch some adult dramas (again, not porn, but I am an avid viewer of cable dramas found on HBO, Showtime and FX), but am careful to draw the blinds when it is something truly questionable. However I am left to assume that there was something that was on my screen that she was not happy that her child was able to catch a glimpse of through my window. This means that I get to hear the comments being made about her child . . .

Her child that I assume is not present during the drunk sing-a-longs (to be honest, I do enjoy the laugh I get listening to them). Her child is also not there when in the week leading up to the fourth of July they sit around throwing fireworks at each other (I’ve seen it when parking my car). In cases like these I am mistaken when I catch a glimpse of a child playing in the yard.

I know I should be worried about just keeping my blinds down during the daytime hours on the weekends, but then again, I only have to worry about them when I know the child is around the one weekend a month. Luckily, I just have to listen to the complaints about my possible TV viewing, which are soon followed by her complaints about how she has to watch her kid for the weekend.

Yes, the glimpse of my TV will be much more damaging to your child than hearing her mother complain about having to spend time with her for one weekend a month.

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There are very few reasons I will watch sports: White Shadow reruns, Friday Night Lights reruns (I just cannot get into the film, but love the TV show) or if Adam Sandler is involved. One may add the football scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High to the list, but as that is such a small part of the film, I can see why some might not include it in the list. Yet even with my complaining when there are too many basketball or football scenes in my media that I am enjoying, I have found myself spending the last two Fridays at football games. High school football games to be exact.

To be clear: I only went to one football game while in high school. This was largely due to one important fact: my cousin was playing for the freshman team, and I wanted to be supportive – as well as wanted a ride home from school. What happens the day that I decide to attend? He forgot his cleats, which if you are like me and needed to have it explained why this is a big deal, are the shoes that he has to wear when playing the game. All was not lost though: I have a memory which I can use to torture him until I die. Let’s face it, if he goes before me, I will still tell the tale in his memory.

The interesting part of this is that the reason that I have been attending football games these past two weeks is because of my cousin’s two eldest boys (who did not forget their cleats at either game I went to). I love all of my cousins’ kids, but am closest to these four (they have two younger brothers). Close enough to babysit, close enough to want to spend time with, close enough to know that there is no escaping seeing a sport being played in person.

I’ve spent years sitting through t-ball, basketball, soccer and now football half-watching, mostly cursing at not timing my arrival to the last half hour of the game. What have I learned through these games:

-When they are young, they do not like to keep score of the games because they are still learning how to play. Guess what? Ask any parent and they will tell you what the unkept score is – and if it is a male parent, he will be shaking his head over the “not keeping score” rule.

-You will always remember the kid who clearly does NOT want to be out on the field. In soccer his name was George. He would spend the games spinning around, looking away from the field, doing everything possible to avoid the ball. The one time George kicked the ball it was on accident. I am unsure if he was scared by the fact that he came into contact with the ball, or the fact that everyone watching cheered for him, since we all knew about George at that point.

-You can never count on their being a George to keep you entertained at sporting events.

-It is not wise to make a joke involving the film Seven when you spot a box on a field. Some parents do not appreciate it, especially when they have seen the film.

-Kids are NEVER too old to want their traditional batch of their favorite homemade cookie at their games. Side note: it will be rare for the kids who have games on the same day / time to have the same favorite cookie.

-If the sporting event is held at a church the desire to cuss increases.

-No matter how disinterested you are in the game, it is worth it when they smile over the fact that you came to see them play. Even after all of these years, I still am among the first round of hugs and smiles from the high school Senior and Sophomore when they done with their games – and this is before they see that I have their cookies in my bag.

By the way next Saturday? I have the youngest’s soccer game.

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I am a compulsive list maker – whether in my head, on my phone or in my trusty notebook lists exist. Everything from shopping lists, to birthdays that for some reason I feel as though I must remember to films that I would like to add to my NetFlix queue when they are available on the service. Lists surround my life. There are days that I wish that it was not always this way, however after yesterday I understand that they exist as a method to provide me peace.

There could be any number of reasons why, but I had completely slacked off on the normal things that I need to do in the month of October. Everything from keeping track of the mileage driven for work, to writing letters to companies to congratulate them on service well done* was ignored. True, I did manage to keep various appointments – birthday parties, the dentist – but for the most part I avoided anything that I normally takes time out of my life.

Was there one reason why I decided to do this? No. However I can state that the past month felt like a whirlwind, everything feeling last minute, up in the air. I was out doing things (groceries were still purchased after all), but at the end of the night I just did not feel accomplished for some reason.

Yesterday I found myself wanting to kill some time before a football game (yes, I know). I finally decided to tackle the things scattered around: the small piles of mail, the various receipts, the post-its with random notes, the papers on the side of my CD cabinet . . . all taken care of in the course of an afternoon. I must say that I honestly feel better knowing that I have taken care of these things, in fact I found that I did not have that nagging feeling in the back of my head that I was forgetting something when I went out last night. It was the first time I felt that way in quite some time.

Today was spent finishing up – putting away the scarves, and refolding the ones that needed the attention, putting jackets back on their hangers instead of in a small heap, taking down the old notices that I needed to attend to and placing them where they belonged.

Now? Now I feel as though I am centered again. Calm, even. I feel as though I do not have any nagging feelings (other than what I will have for dinner when celebrating my parents anniversary this evening – food is very important to me) visiting me, and wonder if this means that I will get that good night’s sleep that I deserve. I guess that some can and are able to function with various clutter, but one thing I can say is that after a month of living this way, I am finding a peace that I had been missing now that I have what I can, under control.

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*Yes, I do write letters to companies when I am assisted by their technicians, customer service reps, or representatives if they do an outstanding job that goes outside of their descriptions. I do not feel that enough people acknowledge good service, but that too many are willing to criticize at a moment’s notice. For this reason, I do like to let people know when their staff or company is doing an outstanding job.

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Things I have seen while driving:

1. A man walking a chicken on a leash.

2. A man pulled over on the side of the freeway so he could fly a kite.

3. The LAPD racing on the freeway clearing the way for the Los Angeles Bomb Squad Truck. I have no idea what they were headed toward, but I did make my way off the freeway as soon as possible. I also kept an eye out for reports on the news, but found nothing.

4. A monster on the hood of a truck. Not someone dressed like a monster, but a large, paper mache monster head on the hood. Luckily it was parked. I think I would have been too distracted if I saw it approaching in my rearview mirror.

5. Brian Austin Green driving behind me on the street. This was beyond exciting as he truly is precious to me.

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It is tough to admit, but I have a difficult time knowing when to cut the strings, knowing when it is time to bid adieu. If I were to listen to my instincts, I would have no problems with raising my hands in the air and stating “I give up.” However I still struggle, even when my gut is telling me to move on, to just save my sanity by saying goodbye.

Still I cannot help but hope. What if things improve? Is it wrong to hold out hope for something grand to happen? Am I a fool for wanting to try and see it through? In some cases, yes. This is the reason why it is time yet again to decide what I will cut from my DVR schedule.

On the cutting block:
Homeland
Revenge
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

I find myself not caring enough when the episodes of Homeland and Revenge are on this season. To be frank, I was not thrilled with Homeland last year, and am even more uninterested this year. As for Revenge, I may give it until the end of this run of new episodes. I do enjoy Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, however I am finding it difficult to find time to watch the show, and thus am deleting it without watching unless there is a guest I am interested in watching on the episode.

What should be on the cutting block, but for some reason is not:
Witches of East End
The Tomorrow People
Super Fun Night

I have a high tolerance for low things – e.g., a friend sent me a link to a montage of the various times Kelly and Brandon said “I love you” to / about each other. I was able to identify the episodes shown as quickly as some would be able to identify their cat in a dog park. Witches of East End is a bad version of Charmed (a show I only started to watch thanks to the gym). The Tomorrow People is just there. Super Fun Night is, unfortunately, a disappointment. Why are these not on the block? I have no idea other than it makes for decent background noise while I am busy doing other things. While these shows are on I do not feel as though I should be paying attention (as with Homeland), I can just pay the bills and look up every once in a while without missing a beat.

I just cannot delete even though it is no longer on:
Breaking Bad

It is called denial bitch.

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True, it was more along the lines of 72 hours of dealing with the 500 Internal Error message that I received when attempting to set up this blog to participate in NaBloPoMo, but at times it felt as though it were 500 hours. You see, although I did consult the opinion of one of my friends, I still was nervous about committing myself to writing every day for the month of November. There are so many other things to distract me, especially as it is difficult to find enough time in the week for work, errands, reading and watching my NetFlix movies. However my desire to write, or rather to begin to write again, was too strong. It was this desire that made me ask my friend as I do sincerely value her opinion, and thus her words encouraging me to take on the challenge meant the world to me.

To be frank, I have had this URL (as well as a few others) for some time. Have I done anything with the URLs I own? Let’s just say that I actually opted not to renew a few of them this year as it seemed ridiculous to keep paying for something that deep down I knew I would not use. I kept this one, as well as another that I have not used as of now, due to wanting to believe that I would eventually do a blog.

After signing up on the NaBloPoMo site, I found myself attempting to write my initial entry. I also made the decision that I should make up the few days that I had missed due to only finding out about this challenge on the 3rd, when I read Melissa Kay Allen’s post about her participation. In the middle of my attempts what happens? The dreaded 500 Internal Error message on my server – a message that not only appeared on this site, but also on the WordPress admin page. I had no idea how I would access anything, or if anything had saved. It took a support request to my server to make me realize that I could still write something, but that I could just save my blathers as a document, for posting once everything was up and running. Unfortunately, the support system in place was taking much too long, which lead to a lovely [read as infuriating (for both of us) live chat] that lead me down the correct path that ultimately lead to this site now being accessible for me to write on, as well as for anyone to stumble across.

One important thing that I learned during this ordeal: I really do want to participate in this challenge. I could have easily made a million excuses as to why I could not write due to server issues. I could have decided to just play online (I have recently made the unfortunate discovery of slot machine games) instead of writing quick entries in Word. Instead I was determined to not only fix the issue, but to also attempt to write while dealing with my 500 Internal Error.

The only unfortunate side to this: I really am unsure of what I will write about. This site will be, for better or worse, as random as the thoughts that appear in my head while driving in traffic.

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It all began with the usual mind wandering while in the shower. Instead of getting stuck with an ear worm (more often than not Montell Jordan’s “This is How We Do It”), today it was the memory of an item that I wanted to purchase: a Spock monkey.

Yes, it is a sock monkey that a friend of mine likely regrets ever sending me the link for as I have periodically brought up the fact that I need one. While I have a sock monkey dressed as a pirate (peg leg and eye patch included), I cannot stop thinking about the sock monkey dressed up as Spock. Yes, the person on Etsy did make one dressed as Captain Kirk, but there is just something special about the Spock version. Is it his hair? His eyebrows? No – it is his ears. There is just something great about a Spock sock monkey with Spock ears. I need this monkey. One day it will be mine.

For the record, yes, I did send Rita a message before I left for work so that she would know that I have not forgotten. She did what was to be expected: she let me know that she also had not forgotten. Her not forgetting may not be due to wanting one herself, but due to my harassing her about its existence on a semi-regular basis.

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Due to being smart enough to subscribe to the blog posts of one Melissa Kay Allen, I have just discovered the existence of NaBloPoMo.

I had participated in NaNoWriMo once before (twice if you count the year I decided to spend a day staring at the screen and then gave up). I did spend part of last year contemplating whether or not I had a story in me that I wanted to tell so that I could participate again this year. It turns out that I do not. Perhaps next year, but this year I am a clean slate.

The idea of NaBloPoMo appeals to me for many reasons:
1. I feel as though I have enough blather in me to be able to post each day in November.
2. This actually is something I had considered doing in the past – forcing myself to write each month in an attempt to confront the blank page.
3. I can use photos! YES! Photos! Who hoo! Some may consider this cheating, but I consider it a way out if I am drained after work, but am at least able to post an image for all* to appreciate.

Today is the 4th. If I do this, I will attempt to back-post entries for the first three days of the month. I will note when the back-posting is done, just for the sake of honesty.

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A few years back I voiced my fear that my life would turn into a Buzzcocks song. While I am a fan of their music, and loved them when I saw them live, it is quite understandable why one would not want their experiences to mirror their lyrics. I was wrong. Not about having that fear, but about the band. I should be thrilled to think of my life being associated with the Buzzcocks, especially when I realized the truth while driving this evening.

While preparing for an evening out celebrating the birthday of one of my friends I was chatting with another friend. We were going back and forth about our individual plans for the evening as well as general nonsense (as friends tend to do). When I mentioned the name of the restaurant we were meeting at Rita informed me that I should order a Pina Colada from the bar, as we had just mentioned how she had them the night before to honor her grandfather as he enjoyed that drink while he was alive. It was this thought of a virgin Pina Colada (I do not drink and drive) that gave me the extra shot of energy needed to get me out the door.

40 minutes later I was still sitting in traffic, cussing out the cars surrounding me as I tend to do when stuck in traffic for no reason. While keeping an eye on the clock in the car I could not help but think of being late for the birthday party, but also about the virgin Pina that was in my future. I happened to glance up and noticed that the sky seemed a bit overcast, which provided me with the only bit of happiness in my car as I love nothing more than when it rains. It was a good 10 minutes after that moment of happiness when I realized the unfortunate truth: my life was actually a Rupert Holmes song.

Much like the husband who got all hot & bothered while reading the personal ad in “Escape,” I am not into yoga and have half-a-brain. I also like the rain, and (obviously) pina coladas – although champagne is good. Of all the things in the world why must it be this song? True, there are others that I can claim to identify with, but this one? Why must it be Rupert Holmes damn it?

Side note: I did not bother with ordering a virgin Pina Colada at the restaurant.

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Backdated post.

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Some years back it was brought to my attention that I do not do well in large groups. I was taken aback at this observation – not that it was made, but that someone noticed what I thought was a large secret about myself. I am painfully shy.

Not to the point of refusing to leave the house, but rather in terms of having attention put upon me while in large groups. One on one I am fine. Small groups? Great, I can deal. In a large social group I am a mess, normally I find myself in a corner trying to find a way to disappear in the crowd. One of the reasons I hate opening gifts that I receive is that I do not like having people watch me, having the attention on me even for that brief period of time. Trust me, it is brief – no one can unwrap a gift as quickly as I can just to get the attention off of me and onto another person.

This is the reason why I have been slowly attempting to make myself take part in larger settings, to slowly start to talk to people I may not know. The first attempt was to attend a Halloween party being thrown by a friend of mine. I was actually surprised that I was invited – I did not think he would consider me worthy of making his invite list, but I did. Unfortunately, while I gathered the muster to approach one individual to take a photo with her in our costumes (she made an amazing Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty), I basically hung out with those individuals that I knew. I even waited for the crowd to clear around the desserts before approaching – amazing as I am the first to break into a cake if given the opportunity. I would not consider this a failure, as it was good to get to know the host a bit better, and I am forcing myself as seeing this as a way to slowly get myself into a situation wherein I would know only a few people present.

This evening I went to the birthday party / celebration of a friend of mine. I wrote it that way as it not only celebrated his big day, but also celebrated a huge work achievement that he has every right to be proud of – in fact anyone who knows him should be proud of his work on behalf of others. While it was mostly people I knew, and I did run into another person I worked with at a previous job who happened to be at the same location, there were still others there that I did not know. I wish, and am envious of, those that are able to approach strangers and start conversations out of the blue.

Luckily I had made a slight joke to someone who approached the appetizers at the same time I did, which made him laugh and would refer to it when we would happen upon each other. It made me feel good – that I could interact with another person that I had never known before. What made me feel great though was a conversation I had with another guest after I moved my chair for her comfort. I made another offhanded remark that made her laugh. After that we ended up spending a good amount of time laughing and venting with each other. I admit that I have seen her at a few birthdays and other celebrations over the past few years, but had never spoken to her before.

It is tough to force myself out there, but I am doing it again next month. Again, it is with a group of people that I largely know, but still. It is all leading to building up my confidence in a large setting. It is difficult to get out of the comfort zone, but I am trying. That must count for something.

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Backdated post.

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