I have made a few friends of mine laugh when I have said that I was done with this year, especially considering that it is now technically the first day of the third month. However, it is true. I am just done.
I am not going to lie, I have had tough years before, ones where I have suffered huge loss, both emotionally and physically, but I knew, I knew that things would have to look up, get better. For some reason, there is so few moments of looking up these days that I just feel exhausted.
To begin:
In early January I find out that my car has been hit when I return to it after running a few errands. Luckily it is on the passenger side, however with no insurance information on the person who was driving, nor information on said driver (note, what note?), it is up to me to pay for the damages caused. Given the extent, I will have to come up with the deductible, or close to it if I do not report it to the insurance company. Of course if I do not report it and somehow manage to come up with the money, I will have to find another car to borrow to drive while the work is being done.
While at work I get the phone call that no one ever wants to receive. While I am unfortunately familiar with death, I was unfamiliar with it being caused to oneself. The last time I saw him was wonderful. Just an afternoon hanging out, the first one since his return from his stint in the Army. He was enlisted longer than any of us thought, mainly due to his succeeding at the job, rising through the ranks only to find himself lost when he got home. He surprised me with gifts, little things that he picked up during his travels overseas. When I expressed the shock that he thought of me, he made a face, saying that he brought back little things for his family. I have blood relatives that give me no consideration and yet here was someone that I knew thinking of me as family, who made a point through the years he was serving to reach out when he heard that things were not great, apologizing if his receiving news that was a bit old.
February began with saying goodbye at the funeral. It was beautiful, one that completely honored him, a chance for all that he touched to gather at the beach, some of us watching from afar as others went in the water for a paddle out in his honor.
The day after this was the discovery of the loss of a filling. No way is this equal to the loss of a life, but the pain and discomfort was something I had to live with for a few days as it was lost on a Sunday, with the dentist’s office being closed Monday and the dentist being at a conference on Tuesday. When I finally made it in on Wednesday I found that part of the reason why I was so miserable was due to my being wrong. I did not lose a filling, I lost two.
This was followed by a call from the dentist’s office. It seems that my insurance company was claiming that I no longer had a policy with them. After days of back and forth, I finally cleared time to be on hold with them for a few hours. It was then that I was told that due to clerical error, they neglected to transfer over my dental policy when they moved me to the new plan. Yes, I was placed in a new medical plan at the beginning of the year because of the 2014 health care reforms, a placement that was to transfer over everything, but . . . yeah. So I am to find time in a few weeks to be on hold again if they do not send me the new information and membership cards that they swore they would be sending. Then I can get in touch with the dentist’s office to let them know that they can re-bill for work done since they were going to cover any charges from the beginning of the year on.
In the middle of the go-between with the insurance company I found my car being hit again. This time I was there, and could easily obtain the information on the driver. How easily? I can take a few steps to her front door. You see, we have a rather long driveway that we share with the neighbors on the property. It seems that in her rush to bring the surprise birthday gifts that she had for her mother, one of my neighbors drove quickly down said driveway, right into my car that I was sitting in as I was about to leave for work. There was no damage done to my bumper, other than a white mark that I removed with one quick wipe of my hand. As for her new car? Crack in the hood that she has to repair.
Yesterday morning was spent at the dentist. Luckily I have been going there so long that they let me keep my cleaning check-up appointment, and will bill once I have the information on my new insurance plan. Also taking place yesterday? The tax drop-off appointment where I brought in my paperwork, forms and various receipts that the CPA will hopefully be able to decipher in a manner that will involve my getting some money back.
Last night was a time of rest for me, feeling at peace at last. A peace that was destroyed this morning with the news that while I was feeling relief at making it through the end of the month without another accident, without a headache, the World’s Best Pup was breathing his last breath.
Hudson, the one who kept me sane at work, who kept me company, who knew when I needed a bit of attention, a bit of love. Who forced me into taking breaks that I did not realize I needed, who wanted nothing more than to catch a tennis ball, eat and be a part of everything going on, was found to be suffering from internal bleeding. Cancer, with an expectation of living an additional 4 months if he survived not only the removal of his spleen, but also the chemo that he would have to have. For a Golden Retriever of 12-1/2 years, this was too much to expect him to survive. The tough decision had to be made, one that was actually the best for him, and the hardest for all that love him.
On top of it all? Next week will end at the funeral for the Mother of my Mom’s best friend. A friend that is more of a relative to me than all but one person on her side of my family.
This is not a cry for help, nor is it admitting depression. This is just my owning the fact that this is a really shitty year so far.
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